

If you've been to Whistler's biggest party of the year, you'll know what we're talking about. If it's your first time, it's okay. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Everybody's a bit awkward their first time.
The TELUS World Ski and Snowboard Festival is 10 days of non-stop music, sport, film, photography, fashion and Whistler's unique tribute to mountain kulture. This year, the craziness begins April 13th and winds up April 22nd.
Okay, you've got to eat and you've got to pay. Here's the plan to fuel the fool and keep the serious money for partying.
Creekside: Backside breakfasts will stuff ya cheap. And Dusty's Sunday night prime rib dinner's a cheap splurge at $20.
Village: Monster muffin and java to go at Moguls (604-932-4845). Lunches at Ingrids (604-932-7000), Gone Bakery (604-938-1957) or Zog's Dogs (604-938-6644). Fresh, homemade pastas and sauces at Pasta Lupino (604-905-0400), award-winning burgers at Splitz (604-938-9300) or a slice of life at Avalanche Pizza (604-932-3131).
Be fed; don't be broke.
A car in Whistler's about as useful as a maxed-out credit card. Leave 'em both home.
Whether you live in Vancouver or are flying in, getting up here's a breeze. Perimeter's Whistler Express delivers you from the Vancouver airport to the heart of Whistler Village 11 times a day for $67, less than you'll spend for gas and parking.
And Greyhound runs up from the city nine times a day for under twenty bucks, Dog.
The local bus is free in the village and only a buck-and-a-half to get anywhere else.
Come to party, not to drive.
You won the lottery. Your rich uncle died. You just need to treat yourself. Here are five ways to spend it faster than you make it.
Eat: Whistler's fave, year-in, year out. Rim Rock Café & Oyster Bar . Sur la mer, dude.
Drink: Bearfoot Bistro. Wine, champagne, scotch… in varieties you've only read or dreamed about.
Ride: Whistler Heli-Skiing & Heli-Boarding. Sometimes, two big mountains are one big mountain too few.
Explore: Whistler Alpine Guide's Bureau . A day in the backcountry will change your life forever.
Pamper: Taman Sari Royal Heritage Spa. The Royal Balinese Treatment, a perfect festival meltdown.
Chairlifts were invented in 1936. Skiing… a lot earlier than that.
Before chairlifts, people who wanted to ski downhill had to ski uphill first. Surprisingly, many never got out of the habit.
A lot of uphill skiers will attend TWSSF to do just that. The Movement World Backcountry Freeride Jam features the Whistler Wind Up, a race up Whistler mountain from Creekside and the North Face Canadian National Ski Mountaineering Championships, a 26k race featuring over 2,100 metres of uphill skiing.
Seeing is believing.
Like films? Like skiing and boarding?
How about a filmatic history of skiing and boarding?
The organizers of the Movement World Backcountry Freeride Jam have scoured the film archives of mountain culture for First Descents — A Collection of Skiing Firsts.
Films run the gamut from Max Linder's Max et sa Belle Mere, shot in Chamonix in 1911, quite possibly the earliest ski flick ever made, to Gasherbrum II, documenting the first ascent and descent of that 8,000 metre giant.
Screenings Friday, April 20 at the Cinnamon Bear Bar. Tickets at Escape Route
If you're riding — you are, aren't you? — here are some rules to shred by.
» If it dumped 30 cm overnight, sleepin' in's for losers.
No friends on powder days
» If the snow looks achingly familiar, sleep in.
The sun'll warm it up around 11
» The path to spring skiing enlightenment glides on wax
» Raccoon tans are not cool; sunscreen is
» Sunny days cry out for picnics on a glacier
» Leave energy for après
Spring skiing's a mixed bag. Could be powder; could be ice. Either way, unless winter's making a last stand, things'll warm up during the day and get all creamy.
Wassat mean for you? If the sun's shining and there's no new snow, hit Blackcomb's sunny 7th Heaven for a mid-morning start and carve some turns on the warming groomers. By lunchtime, Blackcomb Glacier and the bowls off Spanky's should be great.
If Ullr was bountiful, head up Whistler, snag the first Peak Chair ride, peel off Peak-to-Creek and ride Million Dollar Ridge back down to Creekside for breaky at the Backside.
Either way, ski like a local: get high; stay high.
Wear a condom and don't bring a gun. The shocking March 11th shooting in Whistler was just that, a shocking aberration in a town that hadn't seen anything like this in decades.
Whistler is about love, not war. So with a little common sense, you'll be able to party without worry.
One last tip: Contrary to what you may have heard about Whistler, ganja is not actually legal here and the legal drinking age is 19, not 16. It is true, however, that the weed in these parts is potent.
In between riding and partying, skiers invented après. Kind of like brunch in the afternoon but without the cantaloupe.
Here's the insider's guide to TWSSF après.
Village haunts:
» The Longhorn Saloon: Sunny patio, big crowds, right next to the music
» GLC: Above it all, beautiful people, the Reverend Mike
» Black's: Smaller, more personal, great burgers
» Dubh Linn Gate: Irish beer, late sun, nary a local in sight
» Citta's: An institution, best sightlines in town, toothsome snacks
Benchlands:
» Merlins: Centre of Blackcomb's universe, cheap jugs, Guitar Doug
Creekside:
» Dusty's: Simply a legend
The unofficial motto at the TWSSF is: party in April; sleep in May.
It's not like Whistler needs a special reason to party. Any day with a 'y' in it, as they say. But Monday at Tommy's, Wednesday at Garf's, any night at Moe Joe's ramps up to a frenzy with the Kokanee Freeride Club Series.
Small clubs, great bands, stellar DJs, all free. Free!
And special, don't-miss events like this year's Girl Powder Pink Party, April 19. Grab another Red Bull and keep going.
So you've heard about TWSSF for years now. Who hasn't? But this is the year you finally come see for yourself.
Don't be nervous; the natives are friendly. More or less. But to give you leg up, here are five very important things to remember.
Blend: Even if you don't ski or board, dress like you do. No one knows what to make of you if you don't.
Avoid: Rear-entry boots on skiers; spandex on boarders.
Dates: Love the one you're with. TWSSF is strictly catch-and-release.
Parties: The code word is always swordfish. Try it.
Sleep: Yer kidding.